Post Passion2012

Going to the dome changed my life.  God was among us. And for four days, the Georgia Dome became the temple of the Holy Spirit.

People have asked me, "so what was the greatest thing you learned?", to which I honestly have to answer that summing it up, or putting it into a neat package would significantly diminish all that I feel turning inside of me.  One of the big things that happened, was my perspective on human life changed.  The weight of what it means that we are created in the image of God is weighing on my heart in a new way.

I feel like my soul is alive for the first time in a long time.

I was listening to this public radio broadcast last week, about how iPhones and other electronics are made.  I learned a lot.  And even as I write this my heart still aches within my chest, as I question and think about and chew on what I heard.  It's bad out there.  What is even more compelling, to me, is that so much slavery around the world is being perpetrated by people like me.  Americans.  So I stand in this awkward in between, and feel a responsibility that I never have before - A responsibility to do something.

Earlier this week, I posted the opening paragraph to Isiah 61.  I feel like this chapter has been so impressed upon my heart... Like it's the next step.  We stand in such a great place of power, you and I.  We can have so much influence.  And yet, we sit around on the internet, and drink in advertisement like it's water.  We are truly consumers.

Yes, the more I learn about myself, the more I want to change.  More to come...


__________________


and if you get the chance, listen to this: http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/454/mr-daisey-and-the-apple-factory

I feel like my life is headed....

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, 
   because the LORD has anointed me 
   to proclaim good news to the poor. 
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, 
   to proclaim freedom for the captives 
   and release from darkness for the prisoners,^[a] 
 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor 
   and the day of vengeance of our God, 
to comfort all who mourn, 
  and provide for those who grieve in Zion— 
to bestow on them a crown of beauty 
   instead of ashes, 
the oil of joy 
   instead of mourning, 
and a garment of praise 
   instead of a spirit of despair. 
They will be called oaks of righteousness, 
   a planting of the LORD 
   for the display of his splendor.

less than three

Love Saves.  Love Restores. Love Rescues.

Love breaks barriers.  Love softens.  Love changes.

Love brings truth.  Love brings restoration to broken things.  Love brings hope.

Love seeks justice.  Love is not selfish.  Love brings life.

To Embrace the Mystery

Spiritual identity is so deeply personal. How we view God and how we view God views us, has this profound effect on how we live our lives for Him and with others. I went through this season of life where I thought I needed to know all the answers. Like somehow my knowing made me more holy, or something like that. Because if I knew what was right, that would make everyone else... wrong?

It's all so cliquey, isn't it?

The people who are in, the people who are out, the chosen, the heretics, the lost, the saved, the people who need prayer. Honestly there are so many social norms to keep up with, sometimes it can make you feel like you're loosing your mind. Who knows, maybe I have.

These last few years I've personally been wrestling with this whole concept. I like to put labels on things to keep track of them, but sometimes I suck at labeling. Part of me whats to know where I fit in, and who are my people, too. One problem is that I tend to act like a magnet. I don't like this or that, so I'm going to swing to the other end of the spectrum, oops, but they are messed up too. My life ends up looking like a 4 year-old's birthday bowling party with the bumper lanes. Boyng, boyng, boyng.

So this summer, I finally thought I figured it out. What I believe, and why, and where I see that in the Bible, and how I think that is expressed, and what all this truth meant to me. Remember, somehow this was contributing to my spiritual health, right? Then I engaged in this really inspiring talk with someone who I deeply admire and love. We were talking about the weight of the universe. How vast and deep and infinite it all really is out there. She started brainstorming a point, about how God knew Jeremiah before he was even born, and wondering if we existed before our time on earth, and what exactly that would really mean for us here, now, in the present.

My mind was blown.

Math has never been my strongest point. I had to take one math class in college to complete my degree, and I literally sobbed doing my homework through almost the entire course. It was beginning algebra. I don't know much about math, but what I do know is that there are alot of variables, and if even one of those variables is off, even just a little bit, the answer for X will not be accurate. (I know this because I often made lousy, simple mistakes at the beginning of an equation and at the end got some bizarre, horribly incorrect answer.) If you don't understand one simple thing, or forget to add, subtract, multiply, divide, or do any of these things in the incorrect order, you'll end up confused and wrong.

The point of me telling you all of this is not to invent new ideas, or to state that I believe a certain thing, or to vent about my college math experience, rather its to state that I really don't know anything. In the infinite, cosmic, glorious equation that is life... I can look at the numbers, and I can try to add them up, but in the end, if I miss even one small thing, my answer could come out horribly mistaken. Worse yet, I could lead others into believing that I have the answer to the question, and while I would like to, I simply don't, can't, won't.

I use to get really upset about theological things. People believe stupid things, you know? And wen't we raised to defend and know what we believe, and to stand up for what is right? Sometimes. But other times we are invited to embrace the mystery. To wonder in amazement at all that God's hand has created. To stand, sit, and fall on our faces in Awe of His marvelous pallet of creation. Inspiration.

For me, this brings freedom, imagination, grace, and trust. Freedom to understand that I will never understand everything there is to know about the equation of life, imagination and creativity that I would lean in to hear the sound of God's voice as to what this all really means, grace to accept that I have been, am, and will be wrong, (and so will other people), and to trust, that what God says is truth.

What God says is truth, and I don't have to understand all of it.

I can sit back in my chair at rest, knowing that this thing called life is more infinite, eternal, and cosmic than my imagination. God's plans are more detailed, macro, good, and marvelous than even my most creative comprehension. And the gospel is more beautiful, undeniable, and true than anything I will ever know.

Theories about God trip me up in my spiritual journey, and sabotage my spiritual identity, even to the point that they cause me to be unable to live with others in community. But God, He doesn't trip me up, infact, He holds me up when I start to fall. He knows I can not comprehend His good plans, but He lets me in on them anyway, and speaks to me in the kind of language that my pea brain can understand. He says things like love, truth, and justice are really important to Him. He says that He sent His Son, Jesus, so that we could have an eternal relationship without hindrance with Him. That we are called to affirm the culture of heaven. This is beautiful.

Looking back, I've been a real stick in the mud. I've spoken out of turn, thinking I know the mind and will of God. The truth is, I'm a kid standing at a blackboard that goes on forever, trying to solve equations I don't understand, listening to other kids who don't get it either, (but who think they do), and we're coming up with some really shiny theories about what all these big numbers mean. It's at this point that I'm going to drop my blood covered chalk, sit down at my student desk, and behold the mystery of it all. The other's can fight and debate, and argue about it, but sometimes beholding and appreciating the mystery is the most inspiring, liberating, and awe inspiring thing you can do.

So Teacher, what am I suppose to know?

There is this ancient Hebrew passage in a book called Job, where after all of his troubles, trials, and encounters with evil, Job questions The Living God, and God replies. It's the kind of stuff that puts you in your place, smacks you with awe, and leaves you speechless. (You can listen to some of it in my previous post.) Then after all is said and done, Job speaks. I share this with you, because I feel like in some way I can relate to Job's words. I need to say them, because as of late I've been a real jerk pushing my opinions. I'm sorry. This is my song:

I know You [God] can do anything, and no one can stop You. You ask, "who is this that questions My wisdom?"

It is I.

And I was talking about things I did not understand. Things far too wonderful for me to comprehend.

I take back everything I said, and sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance.

Things that Inspire me.

It does us well to remember.

As I remember, grieve, & pray today, I am struck with the understanding that the issue we face as a nation and as a people is not birthed from religion or race or difference, but rather from depths of our souls. Bitterness, hate, resentment... kills. I'm so thankful we serve a God who came, in love, to restore creation to the perfect plan He had all along. He takes what was intended for evil, and uses it for good. He saves us from the hate that destroys, and offers a better way. Forgiveness.

This is what I think about when the coffee business isnt booming...

A man, who we'll call Patrick, told me a story today about the week his first child was born. The first days of their new family were filled with jubilation, exhilaration and exhaustion. After some explanation of the events that they experienced, he left me with these words of 'wisdom', "Get it (the baby) out of the room! For the first three days, you need time alone. The nurses will feed, bathe, and take care of it ... its their job, let them." This piece of advice caused my heart to think, wonder, ponder, and question... I can only imagine the complete exhaustion that a new baby brings, yet at the same time, the blissful euphoria. After some exploration of this story, I couldn't help but arrive at the conclusion that this perspective represents more than just one man's opinion regarding those first family days, it represents what much of our culture and society embraces, and encourages as a whole.

Most children in the western world spend their developmental years at camps, schools, activities, day care, or with friends. And the precious few hours that are spent with their parents are usually found at the end of the day, or are crammed in so that adults can feel fulfilled in their parental duties. To them, after all, it's someone elses job to take care of their children. That is why they have doctors, teachers, day cares, sports, and camps. The concept of how much time parents actually spend with their children is not a question that is frequently thought about. Independence is valued with such weight, that some people have even deceived themselves into believing that they are doing their offspring some sort of favor.

As a people, we have become so integrated with our culture; Independence, individuality, and self-actualization are seemly always at the forefront of our minds. Servant leadership and love seems to have become a lost art. As a result, many of those around us find themselves love starved, alone, and depressed. I can't help but to contemplate, especially as a woman, what the call to motherhood looks like it my life. Not only in a physical sense, but in a spiritual way as well. To pray on their behalf, sacrifice that they would have, and to love limitlessly. Part of parenting requires that we invest our time, energy, and resources into those whom God has given us. Not the left overs - the best.

As followers of Christ, His Kingdom ought to always be on our minds. Sometimes it can be so easy to look outside of those who are closest to us, that we miss why we were placed here. Lets face it, serving those at a distance is usually easier than those closest to us. Whether it be at work, school, or the mission field, distance brings a lack of intimacy, and along with it a level of safety. As time has gone on, I have begun to believe that the #1 mission is usually to serve those whom God has placed closet to you, and through an honest, authentic relationship with Him, we are able to serve those whom He has called us to love; namely our family.

Oh that God would impress on my heart more every day, that souls last forever. That everything in this world will one day come to an end, but that people have eternal significance. Ultimately that I would raise children (both spiritual and physical) in the way they should go, and love them in a way that they might come to know Christ.

-----

Questions Im pondering:

What can I learn from Father God, Abba, about parenting?

Spiritual and physical adoption - In what way is God calling me to adopt, and in what ways do I need to feel adopted?